I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
