Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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