dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
