i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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