Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
