i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
