Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You're like the curious george of whores
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
