Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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