he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
