Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
