this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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