I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
