My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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