I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
