Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
