Having a random hookup so left but love u
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's just like the Real World with babies
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
