I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
be right there i have to get my cape
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
BRING THE BAGELS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
