doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
