And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
