Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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