Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
