I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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