last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am midnight drunk by noon
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
