I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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