god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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