she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
party gras won. party gras always wins.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Found the puke drawer
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
