I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
