Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
