someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
