No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
