Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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