I met the friendliest cop last night
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
