Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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