im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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