brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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