YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
