i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
