I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
