guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
