then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
And then he peed in my hair
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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