Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
