I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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