Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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