How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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