This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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