i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
