You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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