I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She tied me up with her honor cords...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
