This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
