3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
