Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
