porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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