On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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