so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
