Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize