so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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