My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
