i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
