Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
