oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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