Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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