I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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