So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
