We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
