i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
