a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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