you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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