Welp...herpes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize