i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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