well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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