two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize