Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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