I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
