I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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