There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
